#174727 - 12/13/07 10:28 AM
no sex tonight
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Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 509
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
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#174728 - 12/13/07 10:34 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 09/27/06
Posts: 500
Loc: Owatonna mn
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classic, and still way to funny every time i read it!
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#174729 - 12/13/07 10:39 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 509
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
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its nice to dust off the classics once in a while....thats also what she said....
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#174730 - 12/13/07 12:08 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 6026
Loc: Des Moines ,Iowa
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hahaha ..... I LOVE IT ... AND YES ITS SO TRUE EVERYONE KNOWS thats a very very good one
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#174732 - 12/13/07 02:13 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 5158
Loc: Southern KY
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I busted out laughing so hard while reading that! Awesome read.
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'13 Mustang 3.7V6 - MT82 '00 GP SE (L67 Swap, XP, Headers, 3.25") '98 GTP, '01 Bonne
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#174733 - 12/13/07 04:17 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 1670
Loc: Indianapolis
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thats f****** hilarious... no pun intended... that's pretty good, i wish i could see the look on her face... at first i thought u were trying really hard to get laid then i read the stuff and i busted out laughing
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2000 GP GT 20's, altezzas, clears, F/M super 44's, some little blue L.E.D.s
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#174734 - 12/13/07 04:26 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/12/05
Posts: 351
Loc: Memphis, TN
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Man that is funny as I don't know what that is one for the history books. I bet she was like when he said what he said about his financail needs as man
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"Lino"- 2000 GT mods FlowMaster 40's Catback Exhaust w/stainless steel tips, u-bend delete, DHP PCM, CAI, alt. volt booster, 180 stat, 20% tint http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2590135
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#174735 - 12/13/07 04:36 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 8901
Loc: Bradenton, FL
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hahahaha! an oldie, but a goodie
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Corey Smith
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#174736 - 12/13/07 06:13 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 8078
Loc: Austin, TX
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Bobby Died 5/1/08, resurrected 5/15/08 ASCD SD hood, 17" Bullitts, Overkill PCM, 3.4" Pulley, NGK TR55IX, K&N 9" cone filter, JimmyC D/P, U-bend removed, Flowmaster 40 series, Hooker big bore tips with resonators, S/B brake lines, drilled/slot rotors, GMPP handling kit, KYB struts, F&R strut supports, HID's, LED's, 2.5" Air Dam, red GTP overlays on custom badges, white rear insert.
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#174738 - 12/13/07 08:41 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 09/27/07
Posts: 1575
Loc: Where Dorthy,Toto & Wicked Wit...
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This joke gets laughs from both sides, cause we both know it is pretty darn true.
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor and auto parts store.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap!
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03 GT, STB, GM HD sway bars, 35% tint, GE893(37watt)fogs, Flowtech Terminators, 180 T-stat, ZZP DP & PCM, Ceramic PLOG & Crossover, 18" glasspack, 2007 17" Mustang Bullits 235/55/17 Pirelli PZero Nero, 12" R1 D\S rotors, gutted air box, GTP radiator
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#174740 - 12/14/07 01:34 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 6709
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You typed that up well, but did it all come out that smoothe!? That is awesome. That is something I would say and regret that or be without the chic. And you two are just in friend status and that came along, WOW. After a long day on my hurt back at 1:34 am, that was just plain enjoyable!!!
I'd like Arc or some female to explain that whole "hold me thing", I've experienced that too. Is that a control thing like "ha, I've got him like my little b****!" I don't get it.
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2002
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#174741 - 12/14/07 03:07 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 06/12/06
Posts: 2694
Loc: Alexandria, Virginia
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That was a good one, I was in a simular situation and I ignored her for a week or so when I found out I wasn't going to get any, and then she would be all over me the next week.
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Exterior- stock painted black wheels, clear corners, stainless steel grill, cross and drilled front and rear rotors with evolution brake pads. Coming soon- 18 inch black mustang bullet rims, GT/GTP rear bumper, tinted windows.
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