no sex tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

classic, and still way to funny every time i read it!

its nice to dust off the classics once in a while....thats also what she said....

hahaha ..... I LOVE IT ... AND YES ITS SO TRUE EVERYONE KNOWS thats a very very good one

sounds SO much like my ex...its just scary

I busted out laughing so hard while reading that! Awesome read.

thats f****** hilarious... no pun intended... that's pretty good, i wish i could see the look on her face... at first i thought u were trying really hard to get laid then i read the stuff and i busted out laughing

Man that is funny as I don't know what that is one for the history books. I bet she was like when he said what he said about his financail needs as man

hahahaha! an oldie, but a goodie

Been there, sent her packin'...

This joke gets laughs from both sides, cause we both know it is pretty darn true.


WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor and
auto parts store.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap!

LMAO....good stuff chevman

You typed that up well, but did it all come out that smoothe!? That is awesome. That is something I would say and regret that or be without the chic. And you two are just in friend status and that came along, WOW. After a long day on my hurt back at 1:34 am, that was just plain enjoyable!!!

I'd like Arc or some female to explain that whole "hold me thing", I've experienced that too. Is that a control thing like "ha, I've got him like my little b****!" I don't get it.

That was a good one, I was in a simular situation and I ignored her for a week or so when I found out I wasn't going to get any, and then she would be all over me the next week.

Ohhhhh that was awesome!!!! You are the man hands down... sorry you couldn't have sex though...that kinda sucks

LMAO!!

I don't want your noob gender to hold me. Or my gender, for that matter.

I can't explain it either.

Sorry. At my age, all that crap is stupid drama and I'm not going to deal with it, and haven't, for a long time. Singles FTW!

OK, is it just me, or do several of the people who have posted so far seem to think that the original post actually happened to Redgie?

It's very funny, but he didn't do it, it's circulating around the internet. :rolleyes: It MAY have actually happened, but if it did, it wasn't to Redgie.

o dang i thought that happened to him... he made it sound like it did haha... if u dont mind me asking arc how old are you?

Well, now that I look, there wasn't a disclaimer or anything...lol

It's a joke people.

The idea that it could've been real just makes it more funny..

oh man thats a let down...but its still funny. guys are better than girls FTW lol jk jk im all about equality

Can't find it right now but:

*Ban him* emoticon!

geez.....I just thought it was funny, Didnt plan to create such a debate.....

thats wrong! but true!

I was just joking, it was hilarious though!