I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....

classic, and still way to funny every time i read it!

its nice to dust off the classics once in a while....thats also what she said....

hahaha ..... I LOVE IT ... AND YES ITS SO TRUE EVERYONE KNOWS thats a very very good one

sounds SO much like my ex...its just scary

I busted out laughing so hard while reading that! Awesome read.

thats f****** hilarious... no pun intended... that's pretty good, i wish i could see the look on her face... at first i thought u were trying really hard to get laid then i read the stuff and i busted out laughing

Man that is funny as I don't know what that is one for the history books. I bet she was like when he said what he said about his financail needs as man

hahahaha! an oldie, but a goodie

Been there, sent her packin'...

This joke gets laughs from both sides, cause we both know it is pretty darn true.


WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac
with huge boobs who owns a liquor and
auto parts store.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap!

LMAO....good stuff chevman

You typed that up well, but did it all come out that smoothe!? That is awesome. That is something I would say and regret that or be without the chic. And you two are just in friend status and that came along, WOW. After a long day on my hurt back at 1:34 am, that was just plain enjoyable!!!

I'd like Arc or some female to explain that whole "hold me thing", I've experienced that too. Is that a control thing like "ha, I've got him like my little b****!" I don't get it.

That was a good one, I was in a simular situation and I ignored her for a week or so when I found out I wasn't going to get any, and then she would be all over me the next week.