#174727 - 12/13/07 10:28 AM
no sex tonight
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Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 509
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....
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#174728 - 12/13/07 10:34 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 09/27/06
Posts: 500
Loc: Owatonna mn
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classic, and still way to funny every time i read it!
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#174729 - 12/13/07 10:39 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 509
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
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its nice to dust off the classics once in a while....thats also what she said....
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#174730 - 12/13/07 12:08 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 01/08/07
Posts: 6026
Loc: Des Moines ,Iowa
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hahaha ..... I LOVE IT ... AND YES ITS SO TRUE EVERYONE KNOWS thats a very very good one
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#174732 - 12/13/07 02:13 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 5158
Loc: Southern KY
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I busted out laughing so hard while reading that! Awesome read.
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'13 Mustang 3.7V6 - MT82 '00 GP SE (L67 Swap, XP, Headers, 3.25") '98 GTP, '01 Bonne
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#174733 - 12/13/07 04:17 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 1670
Loc: Indianapolis
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thats f****** hilarious... no pun intended... that's pretty good, i wish i could see the look on her face... at first i thought u were trying really hard to get laid then i read the stuff and i busted out laughing
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2000 GP GT 20's, altezzas, clears, F/M super 44's, some little blue L.E.D.s
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#174734 - 12/13/07 04:26 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/12/05
Posts: 351
Loc: Memphis, TN
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Man that is funny as I don't know what that is one for the history books. I bet she was like when he said what he said about his financail needs as man
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"Lino"- 2000 GT mods FlowMaster 40's Catback Exhaust w/stainless steel tips, u-bend delete, DHP PCM, CAI, alt. volt booster, 180 stat, 20% tint http://www.cardomain.com/ride/2590135
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#174735 - 12/13/07 04:36 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/18/05
Posts: 8901
Loc: Bradenton, FL
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hahahaha! an oldie, but a goodie
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Corey Smith
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#174736 - 12/13/07 06:13 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 8078
Loc: Austin, TX
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Bobby Died 5/1/08, resurrected 5/15/08 ASCD SD hood, 17" Bullitts, Overkill PCM, 3.4" Pulley, NGK TR55IX, K&N 9" cone filter, JimmyC D/P, U-bend removed, Flowmaster 40 series, Hooker big bore tips with resonators, S/B brake lines, drilled/slot rotors, GMPP handling kit, KYB struts, F&R strut supports, HID's, LED's, 2.5" Air Dam, red GTP overlays on custom badges, white rear insert.
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#174738 - 12/13/07 08:41 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 09/27/07
Posts: 1575
Loc: Where Dorthy,Toto & Wicked Wit...
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This joke gets laughs from both sides, cause we both know it is pretty darn true.
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor and auto parts store.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap!
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03 GT, STB, GM HD sway bars, 35% tint, GE893(37watt)fogs, Flowtech Terminators, 180 T-stat, ZZP DP & PCM, Ceramic PLOG & Crossover, 18" glasspack, 2007 17" Mustang Bullits 235/55/17 Pirelli PZero Nero, 12" R1 D\S rotors, gutted air box, GTP radiator
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#174740 - 12/14/07 01:34 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 6709
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You typed that up well, but did it all come out that smoothe!? That is awesome. That is something I would say and regret that or be without the chic. And you two are just in friend status and that came along, WOW. After a long day on my hurt back at 1:34 am, that was just plain enjoyable!!!
I'd like Arc or some female to explain that whole "hold me thing", I've experienced that too. Is that a control thing like "ha, I've got him like my little b****!" I don't get it.
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#174741 - 12/14/07 03:07 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 06/12/06
Posts: 2694
Loc: Alexandria, Virginia
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That was a good one, I was in a simular situation and I ignored her for a week or so when I found out I wasn't going to get any, and then she would be all over me the next week.
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Exterior- stock painted black wheels, clear corners, stainless steel grill, cross and drilled front and rear rotors with evolution brake pads. Coming soon- 18 inch black mustang bullet rims, GT/GTP rear bumper, tinted windows.
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#174742 - 12/14/07 04:59 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 459
Loc: Warwick, RI
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Ohhhhh that was awesome!!!! You are the man hands down... sorry you couldn't have sex though...that kinda sucks
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I want to get back into a Grand Prix badly!
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#174743 - 12/14/07 05:15 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 07/15/04
Posts: 3141
Loc: Chicago, IL
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LMAO!!
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DHP V1.0, Slotted rotors, S/S Brake Lines, Custom CAI, GMPP Handling Kit, KYB's, Jimmy C DP (U-Bend delete w/ Hi-flow cat), Flowmaster Super 40's, drilled 180° T-Stat, Alt. Rewire & Alt. Voltage Booster Combo, 605's, ZZP Motor Mounts
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I am NOT mad!" - Dali
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#174744 - 12/14/07 05:53 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/05/05
Posts: 1921
Loc: Texas
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I don't want your noob gender to hold me. Or my gender, for that matter. I can't explain it either. Sorry. At my age, all that crap is stupid drama and I'm not going to deal with it, and haven't, for a long time. Singles FTW!
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Originally posted by HercMan: Sounds like corrosion has had it's way with your nuts.
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#174745 - 12/14/07 07:38 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 3307
Loc: Texas
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OK, is it just me, or do several of the people who have posted so far seem to think that the original post actually happened to Redgie? It's very funny, but he didn't do it, it's circulating around the internet. :rolleyes: It MAY have actually happened, but if it did, it wasn't to Redgie.
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Si vis pacem para bellum Speed Kills. Buy a Civic - Save Lives!
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#174746 - 12/14/07 11:47 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 1670
Loc: Indianapolis
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o dang i thought that happened to him... he made it sound like it did haha... if u dont mind me asking arc how old are you?
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2000 GP GT 20's, altezzas, clears, F/M super 44's, some little blue L.E.D.s
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#174747 - 12/14/07 11:50 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 3307
Loc: Texas
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Well, now that I look, there wasn't a disclaimer or anything...lol
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Si vis pacem para bellum Speed Kills. Buy a Civic - Save Lives!
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#174748 - 12/15/07 12:26 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 8078
Loc: Austin, TX
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It's a joke people.
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Bobby Died 5/1/08, resurrected 5/15/08 ASCD SD hood, 17" Bullitts, Overkill PCM, 3.4" Pulley, NGK TR55IX, K&N 9" cone filter, JimmyC D/P, U-bend removed, Flowmaster 40 series, Hooker big bore tips with resonators, S/B brake lines, drilled/slot rotors, GMPP handling kit, KYB struts, F&R strut supports, HID's, LED's, 2.5" Air Dam, red GTP overlays on custom badges, white rear insert.
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#174750 - 12/15/07 11:32 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 459
Loc: Warwick, RI
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oh man thats a let down...but its still funny. guys are better than girls FTW lol jk jk im all about equality
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I want to get back into a Grand Prix badly!
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#174751 - 12/15/07 03:58 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 6709
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Can't find it right now but:
*Ban him* emoticon!
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2002
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#174752 - 12/15/07 09:10 PM
Re: no sex tonight
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Member
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Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 509
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
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geez.....I just thought it was funny, Didnt plan to create such a debate.....
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#174753 - 12/16/07 04:15 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 483
Loc: Colorado Springs
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#174754 - 12/16/07 10:05 AM
Re: no sex tonight
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 6709
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I was just joking, it was hilarious though!
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2002
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