Ok here is a true story from one of the guys on the Rebel forum I visit.

Thought you'd all get a kick out of it. It involves parts from one bike to mount on another brand

shoulda seen the show when i went into the harley dealer for a horn cover ...
(note: this is a honda/harley two-in-one dealership - and i got BOTH my bikes there - they know me)

hi - can i get a horn cover ? - same as on the big twins
just the cover - not the mounting tab bracket
(i even pointed it out on a floor bike)

"that style won't fit your sportster"

it's NOT for the sportster

"it won't fit a disc type horn"

it's NOT a disc horn
it's a standard rams head horn from the auto parts place

"it won't fit on a car"

it's NOT for a car - it's for the rebel

"it won't fit the rebel's disc horn either"

rebel doen't have a disc horn anymore - it has a car horn and it's ugly
are you going to sell me the cover or not ?!?

"it's not going to fit ..."

finally the parts manager came over to see what the circus was about - went back into the racks - rummaged around - came back out with a horn cover - took my money - and warned me there was a re-stocking fee when i brought it back 'cause it won't fit'

rrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhttttttt...

went home - put it on (horn was a 138db low note mega blaster) - rode it back to the shop - dragged those two out to see it ... gee it FIT !?! ... then i beeped it at them - shoulda seen them jump - was LOUDER than any harley horn they ever heard unless it was air horns ... LMAO

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those covers are specifically designed for a stock standard auto ramshorn/nautillius shell type horn

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ask duke about harley dolts and fun at the hardware store ... LMAO

Duke Bushido wrote:
WARNING!

LONG AS HELL!

You have been warned.


MillenniumRebel wrote:


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ask duke about harley dolts and fun at the hardware store ... LMAO


OH DEAR GOD!

OH DEAR GOD!

Christ, but I wish I had written that up and kept it!

Folks, here it is:

I had upgraded the horn on my wife's bike, much as MR did his own. I've done this in the past on other rides, but I just never really thought about putting a cover on it.

Well this time it was for a woman who wanted it to look good...

I saw MR's cover, and thought "Hell; that's a great idea!" So off I went to the different bike shops in the area to see about locating one.

Well no one had one in stock-- they had parts; fancy dress stuff (except pegs bags and grips and a some factory-clone mirrors and sigies) were all special order. Well as much as I like to support my FLIBS, I wanted it in my hands _now_ so I could be done with it. So I sat and thought about it while. Hmmm... I need a shop that is going to have on hand useless tacky chrome crap... AHA! My local Harley dealer!

So off I went in search of a horn cover.

And much like MR, I was met by ignorance:

I need a resonator bell.

A what?

A resonator bell.

Uh-hunh. What's it do?

It's a cover for the horn. A horn cover.

What are you talking about "horn cover?"

I am talking about a resonator bell. It's a big chrome thing-- looks like a beetle shell. Fits between the jugs and covers the horn.

I don't think I've seen one before.

See those thirty bikes over there? They've all got one.

Well I'll be damned! I've never noticed those before... Hey [other ignorant savage], do we sell them there chrome things to cover the horn?

A resonator bell? Sure, we got those. Hang on; let me get my books.... This for a Sportster or a big twin?

Neither. I just need a resonator bell.

Oh. For a Road King?

No. I just want a plain horn cover. Have you got one?

Yeah, sure we got it. I just need to know which one you want.

There isn't a difference! It's just a plain cover with a bracket in the back! Woah-- wait a minute... I may be out of the loop with HD, but is there a Road King that is _not_ a big twin?

No; I don't think so.

I see...

So it ain't for a Sportster or a big twin or for a Road King. OH! Is it for an Indian? I've got a cross-over book around here somewhere..... [begins digging under counter]

No; it's not for an Indian. I tell you what; you bring me one of each and every horn cover you have, and I'll pick the one that I want.

Well I've got to know what it fits so that I know which one you need...

They are universal! They'll fit whatever I damned well tell them to fit!

No Sir. You see all these catalogues? [gestures at extensive catalogue rack] Well every single model of every single year for every single Harley Davidson ever built has a part number for every single part, and if I don't have that number I can't be sure that I am going to get you the right one. You want it to fit, don't you? You know how many motorcycles Harley Davidson has built in the past hundred years?!!

Yes. Three. The Iron Head 1000cc Sportster, the 883 Sportster and the 1200 high-boy Sportster.

What? Are you crazy in the head or something? There's a dozen Sportsters, and God knows how many Big Twins and Road Kings.

You asked me about motorcycles. Those are hardly motorcycles. Those are ridiculously priced under-powered irrigation pumps wheezing along in a desperate and flatulent attempt to move a pair of wheels.
[editor's note: nothing against the fine folks I have met here, or the pride they have in the improvements they have made to their rides. Please keep in mind that this was directed at one idiot in particular, and the more he pissed me off, the more my opinions came tumbling out...]

I'll tell you what, smart ass! You think you know so much about being a parts man, why don't I just go and get every damed horn cover in stock and you can tell me which one you _think_ will fit on your bike!

Didn't we cover this ground already? Is there an echo in here, or did the words falling into your empty skull rattle around and finally pour out of your ass?

You just wait right here, smart guy. I'll be back. I hope you know what you're getting into!

[Directed to his disappearing back] So how many have you got in stock?

[fired back over his shoulder, with theatening and powerful overtones] TWO!

You have got to be shitting me. You just have to be shitting me... You have two in stock, and yet you just had to make sure that it would fit my wife's bike? What the Hell? Why not just bring them up and let me pick one ten minutes ago?

Well now you're going to have to, ain't you Funny Boy?

Have you ever looked up any part numbers for these?

This is a goddamned parts counter, ain't it? [he's still in the shelves rooting around]

Have you ever not had the right one in stock?

Hell no! We got customers to think about! You know, some people come in here to get what they need and not just bitch at the people trying to help them customize their freedom [no [#%&*^@#$%!!], people-- he said it!]

Have you ever stocked more than two?

What's it matter to you? Worried you might not be as right as you thought?

No; I was wondering how many years you've been doing this without noticing that they all take the same #### part numbers!

They can't be the same part numbers, Buddy. [dumps ther triumphantly on the counter] They're different!

[And by God, he was right. They were different. One was the plain chrome resonator bell that I wanted. The other was the same thing, with a bar and shield carved into it]

See? Now which one do you need?

I think I'll go with the plain one.

You don't want the bar and sheild?! [he was genuinely surprised] It'll look good on a Harley....

Are we really going to do this again? Are we really going to list all the Harleys so that I can once again say "no, it's not for that?"

Well what are you going to put it on?

It's going on my wife's Vulcan, as a matter of fact. And it is going to be used to cover a horn that I pulled off a nineteen-and-sixty-five Ford Mustang. So go ahead-- look that up in your book and see which cover is for that!

You dumbass! You can't put that on a Vulcan!

Watch me, Gomer.

[He picked one up and turned it over to expose the mounting hole in the back] You see that hole? Well that Vul-coon [clever boy, this Gomer ] is a Suzuki or something; it's got Japanese bolts. This hole right here, it's only gonna fit on a Harley bolt! [Honest to God, people; he said it, and he meant it]

[I look out the window for my body] Did I die pulling off the road? Was I hit by a car or something? Am I in like some kind of Brain Hell or something? What the #### are you trying to say? That the good people at the Tennesee _Kawasaki_ plant sent away to Japan to get the special bolts that used to put together their bikes?

Well where do you think that Metric [#%&*^@#$%!!] comes from?

Well, the system comes from France, actually. The Brittish pushed for it the hardest in the Anglo world, but the Asians-- big fans of order and interchangeability-- went for it full bore early on. The Americans gave in in the 80s in order to remain competitive in foreign markets without having to tool two separate assembly lines for everything they wanted to sell here and abroad. In fact, if hand me a set of metric wrenches-- maybe that fancy set there behind the glass with the bar-and-sheild stamped in them-- I garauntee I can walk right over to that twin cam and find a bolt that fits every damned one of them!

You don't know what you're talking about. Harley don't buy no bolts from Japan. This is all American made stuff in here!

Fine. I'll tell you what; when I leave here, I'll stop buy a hardware store and pick up some Harley bolts so that I can mount this piece of tin to my wife's evil demon machine. Would that get me out of here any faster?

[Laughs a bit] Buddy, there ain't but two places you an get Harley bolts! That's right here and at one hardware store over near the county line. But I wouldn't go over there! I've got to buy from him when we run out before our shipment. _MY_ price on them things is almost two bucks apiece!

[I was stunned here, and a bit amused] Are you telling me that you pay two bucks a pop for SAE bolts?!

No; these are Harley bolts, not that imported Metric crap!

Oh-- stainless or chrome or something like that? I didn't think there was a hardware store in town that sold chrome fasteners...

No, these are just the plain Harley bolts! I can't imagine what he'd charge me for chrome! [leans in conspiritorily] That's why we only use him when we run short. We can get them cheaper from the factory warehouse.

So you _are_ paying two bucks a pop for simple grade-five SAE bolts?

NO! Not "SAE;" These are Harley bolts-- in inches and fractions and stuff!

[okay, I had nothing to say here, but the pause was long enough that I thought I should mention it. Finally:] What do you do here? You the head parts guy?

Nope; I'm lead tech and shop foreman and service writer. I just help out on the counter when they get confused because of my experience. [and damned pround he was when he said that, let me tell you!] Okay, now which of these you want?

Still think the plain one will look the best on the Vulcan...

You're loss. That one's some no-name junk. _This_ one [lifts the 'fancy' model] is the officially lisenced one! HD don't put their name on nothing but the _best_!

Well, I have had bad experiences with cheap chrome. Maybe I can tolerate a bar-and-sheild, at least till she finds something to put over it... [I picked up the 'upgrade' model] What the Hell? _This_ is the better one?

Says HD, don't it?

Dude! It's made of plastic! How the hell can a 'resonator' bell be made of plastic?

Well it don't look like the Motor Company has a problem with it, does it? What makes you think you will? Because it's going on a Jap Jet?

No, actually, I don't think I will have a problem with, because it is going on a nice, smooth, vibration-free well engineered machine that already has a very loud horn. But I can't imagine trying to 'resonate' a horn with a plastic shell, and I damned sure can't imagine it not breaking right off one of these friggin paint-shakers you call Big Twins! What the Hell are you supposed to do when the damned bracket breaks and drops your cover on the highway?

Well most folks just buy another one. [and rather smug he was here, too]

You mean this happens? People have bought this piece of garbage, bolted it to their bikes, had them break off, and come in and bought them _again_?

Sure. I sell a couple a month.

Well no wonder you're pushing it...

Well it's got to be better than that other one; it's got the logo.

I wish I thought you were kidding...

like I said, HD don't put their name on nothing but the best! Don't believe me? Look at this! [tinkers with a computer and turns the screen] See? It even costs twenty bucks more than that other one. Quality costs. [again, smug in his stupidity]

No, I think I'll take the plain metal one for twenty-two bucks and go and put it on my wife's bike and spend the rest of the evening shoving pipe cleaners into my brain until this whole incident is behind me...

[Dumb Look] [More dumb look]

[Dumb look continues]

You're a real smart ass, aren't you?

It helps me to stand out when I am surrounded by dumbasses. Ring me up; I'm leaving.

[I swear, as I was leaving, I heard him say this to green guy:] Dumb-ass jap-crap mechanic. I bet he's too stupid to pick up a Harley bolt for that tin crap cover he bought, too!

[turned back] I'm pretty sure that there are other things that will fit through this little hole here in the back. The collective IQ of that entire counter, for example. But you're right. I'm gonna go home and call Japan and have them send me a metric bolt that might fit into this Harley hole and hope for the best. Ya'll have a good afternoon, and don't play with anything pointy.

Listen, when you get tired of trying to make it work, come back here and I'll cut you a deal on a couple Harley bolts.


True story folks, as witnessed by several people. How people like this manage to repeatedly find work-- and in this case, working on people's rides!-- is beyond me. Hell, how they get their shoes on the right feet is beyond me!

I ain't knocking the whole dealership, but like any other -ship, stupidity can sink it in a hurry.

This story, by the way, is the origin of the "Harley dolts" remark MR made.

Great. Thanks for making me re-live that, MR. Now I wanna go slap something silly......

MillenniumRebel wrote:

tell em about when you stopped by teh hardware store to check wtf he was talking about ...

that whole thing was priceless

Duke Bushido wrote:
Well I ran long on detail with the experience at the stealership, so I kind of cut that part.

But in a nutshell:

As it happens, I had to ride right past the hardware store the 'expert' had reffered me to for "Harley bolts." Burning with curiousity, I stopped in.

I asked about chrome fasteners, socket-heads, and a number of other types of fasteners you might want when working on your bike. And all of my inquiries were met with 'no' or 'try the Harley dealer.'

So I told them my story with the parts counter.

The guy at the Hardware store broke into laughter, and told me _his_ story.

Seems that a long time prior, he had gotten a phone call from the stealership looking for 'Harley bolts.' He offered that they had stainless, but no chrome or anything fancy" Phillips, flat, hex-- no sockets, etc.

The guy on the other end was upset, explaining that he didn't care what the heads were, just that they were "Harley bolts."

Befuddled, the hardware guy says 'run one up here so I can see what you're talking about.'

The stealership did, and it turned out to be (Surprise!) a simple grade five SAE bolt. He went to the shelves to get some, and the guy told him that he didn't want 'any old bolt', but specifically needed Harley bolts.

So the hardware guy tells him to wait a minute, goes into the back, gets a full twenty-pound box of the same bolts and carries them up. He explains that _these_ were rated for use on Harleys, though they were not Milwaukee logo. The guy asks "are you sure that these are rated for HD?"

"Oh yes; you don't pay two bucks apiece for something out of a bolt bin!"


And from that day on-- and I assume right up until the dealer wised up and got some brains behind the counter-- any time they needed bolts at the dealership, they sent a guy out to buy a twenty pound box (can't break a case of Harley bolts-- it's all or nothing, see ) of whatever bolt they needed at an average cost of two bucks a bolt...


As is so often the case, even a tiny genius will end up feeding on the strongest and most powerful stupid....

Hercman, that is hilarious. I can't believe that guy. And the guy in the other story.... PRICELESS!!

LMAO!

Let me say this: When you work at the parts counter, you see more idiots than you could ever imagine trying to buy parts/fix problems. You'll never look the same at buying a used car again.

Ya but the guys on the parts side of the counter are supposed to have some clue.

A person can't know everything, its just the way things are. Especially if they're new or still learning. That said, there is vast line between not knowing and being just plain ignorant like the above people. That last person is mind baffling.

My answer to your situation Herc, were I the salesman, would be a suggestion based on what I knew but I'd still sale you the part so long as you knew the consequences. It's like the guys coming in buying 180 and 160 thermostats. They ask for it, I'm getting it for them. It's their car. Just don't get all pissy when it doesn't blow heat in the winter with the latter (as some will do, and make their problem yours). A lot of dimwits like to work on their vehicles, you can't always trust what they say as the truth.

Should we all go to the GM dealership and ask for Grand Prix Bolts??!! LMAO!!!!

I can understand a parts guy wanting to make sure the customer gets what they need but when that customer tells you he's modding something or adapting something to another application a little common sense is in order. But I got a kick out of the HD bolts. Inches and fractions and such!!! Not that Jap metric crud!

I'm personally amazed at the number of metric bolts in use these days. Wonder what kind of car the guy drives...

The metric tools in my chest far outnumber the SAE tools that I own.

Mine too, but that might be due to lost sockets I haven't replace yet.

Just too funny...The level of stupidity that some people possess amazes me sometimes. I could picture the morons behind the counter. lol

There was this one time a deputy sheriff came in who was working on a personal car. It was overheating and he was wondering if you could hear the thermostat opening to make sure it's working.

Would that be a Pontiac certified tstat?

I've had supposed certified parts misanthropes at quite a few Chrysler/Dodge dealers that couldn't handle even the si,plest requests for parts on my old 89 Lebaron turbo. First they tried to tell me that that particular engine(2.5 turbo) did not exist in 89. After convincing them, I had my own set of factory service manuals, the finally at least agreed that the engine existed. I had to continue training them on how to look up parts for the darn thing. It was what was known as a Turbo I engine and they always wanted to give me Turbo II(2.2 Turbo engine), or parts for an na 2.5 engine. I also owned an 89 Daytona Shelby with the Turbo II, so I had an easy time telling them the difference.

Reminds me of when I drove out to CA for vacation. My car was in need of an oil change so I stopped at a jiffy lube. I told them I wanted 5W30 (remember I'm driving back across country in the winter and the temps are at or below freezing) The tech proceeded to argue with me that the manual doesn't call for that thin of oil. So after a little roundy round with the tech I pointed to the plate and said what state does that say?

Uh Maine.

Do you know where Maine is?

Uh ya by New York.

Do you know how this car got here and how it is returning?

Driving?

Ya.

Do you know how cold it is from the rockies on?

No.

Damned cold enough to call for 5W30 so put it in.

But the manual says...

I'm paying for it put it in.

OK it's your motor your ruining.

I hate Jiffy Lubes. I took mine to a Jiffy Lube when I lived in an apartment (we weren't allowed to do oil or use jacks in the apartment for liability reasons). The idiot sat in my car with his tool belt on and put a tiny hole in my leather seat. He also got grease/oil in the interior of my car. I chewed them out and never went back.

I started going to an Oil Can Henrys instead. A bit more pricey, but I get to stay in the car while they do the work.

Getting out of that apartment was great. I could finally do some simple work on my car.